Apr. 28th, 2005

ladymandrake: (Default)
another layer
Slowly I built
ever stronger
ever thicker
until all I have is me

me in a dark windowless room
noone can see me
noone can hear me
self contained in a neat little box

every day
every event
ever stronger
ever thicker

some days a little light makes it in
others not even a flicker
all alone in my box
where noone can reach me

I wonder what the weather is like outside my box
wonder if its brighter out there
but all I can see is grey
a never ending rainy day, in my box

I am tired of the smell of damp cardboard
I am tired of the color grey
but for years this is all I have known
my inner child wants to be set free

how do I rip down these walls
the pretty yellow pill only makes the walls seem like they aren't there
but I can still feel them
I know they are around me

some days that is my only strength
knowing that I am safe within
knowing that I am still in my box
but I long to smell the spring breezes

I have to learn how to breath again
learn how to tear all this down
It took years and tears to build them up
how do I now liberate myself

Within my walls
I know I am safe
but I am sick of being safe
I want to live an adventure

here I am
all alone as always
in my dark box
searching in vain for the boxcutter I know that I hid in here, so long ago
ladymandrake: (Default)
how many licks does it take to get to the middle of THIS tootsie pop
how many licks does it take to get to me?
to get to the center of me?
am I brown and chocolatey inside?
or am I like the old one that is hard to chew
and ends up ripping out your teeth.

how many tears does it take to make me strong?
to get to my inner strength?
Do I have to cry to show my strength?
or am I strong before the begin to flow?
strong enough to know I am weak

how many poems does it take to empty my mind?
to get it all out of me?
am I full of words and exploding?
or am I like a dictionary that is never complete
and ends up being some fool's life work.

how many belly laughs does it take to cheer me up?
to make this cloudy day fade?
am I a storm of emotions inside?
or am I like a weather system that passes
and leaves behind destruction and creation in its path.

how many classes will it take to make me who I am?
to teach me all there is to learn?
am I who I am already?
or is that learned
like a habit over time.

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ladymandrake: (Default)
ladymandrake

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